Natural Birth Can Be Funny
Tired of all the “inspirational” natural birth stories out there. Too serious? Too sappy? Too unbelievable? Well, then I have the perfect birth story for you. Heather Armstrong, author of the outrageous blog Dooce.com goes from wanting an epidural two days before contractions even begin to thinking about being one of those nutso women who birth at home in their bathtubs…surrounded by candles, of course.
A little backstory though. I remember watching an episode of Oprah about a year ago when a “mommy blogger” talked about her website and how it was so successful that her husband quit his job to help her manage the site. (I have to admit, I was jealous.) That mom was Heather Armstrong and she is a hilarious, unfiltered and honest writer—her blog is like reading stand-up comedy, but even better. She says, “The website chronicles my life from a time when I was single and making a lot of money as a web designer in Los Angeles, to when I was dating the man who would become my husband, to when I lost my job and lived life as an unemployed drunk, to when I married my husband and moved to Utah, to when I became pregnant, to when I threw up and became unbearably swollen during the pregnancy, to the birth, to the aftermath, to the postpartum depression that landed me in a mental hospital. I’m better now.” She is also the author of It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita.
I haven’t been following the blog (which I regret), but it was recently brought to my attention again when my husband’s friend asked if we had read Heather’s natural birth story. I hadn’t, but quickly got online to remedy the situation and LOVED IT! Are you the pregnant mommy who says “Bring on the drugs!” or “I’m not one of those crazy hippies!”? Then Heather’s birth story is for you. She kicks it off with, “Give me the epidural and any other pain relief, maybe throw in a couple dozen shots of bourbon, oh and how about you just put me under general anesthesia and wake me up two days later.” This was her thinking up to 30 weeks into her second pregnancy when her only birth plan was to ask for the epidural two days before contractions even began.
As she is famous now, Heather receives tons of free books from publishers (again, I’m jealous) and was about to throw Ricki Lake’s Your Best Birth onto the Goodwill pile, when she decided to thumb through a few pages…got really mad…stewed about it for a while…decided to read the whole book just so she could be angry at it…and then it completely changed her life. I don’t do her story justice, so I won’t even try to recount the whole thing for you here. You have to read it yourself. I will tell you that it ends with the life-changing, natural birth of her second child and will have you laughing the whole way.
As my husband’s friend warned us, “The stories are long, but I read them and I’m not even a mom!” Oh yeah. You should also be prepared for lots of juicy language—but then, birth is juicy. So buck up! Read it. And then make your husband read it. I bet you’ve never laughed so hard at the phrase “mucous plug” in your entire life!
These are the links to the 3-part birth story. Enjoy!
The Labor Story: Part 1
The Labor Story: Part 2
The Labor Story: Part 3
« VBAC Support and Info | Home | Beautiful Natural Birth Video »
Leave a Comment